when i was a kid, five or six, i used to wake up really early. i’d go outside in my pajamas and ring our doorbell. when my mom would answer, i’d tell her that my parents were dead and i was an orphan and could i please come inside and eat breakfast. it was always some horrible painful death, too, that i’d make my fake parents suffer ….. always cancer or car wrecks.
and my mom would make me silver dollar pancakes. i don’t know why silver dollar pancakes taste so much better than the regular ones. i suppose you can chalk it up to “law of inverse proportions.” (ie: the cuteness quotient increases as the size of an object decreases.)

hey check out this picture i’ve been working on.

ok, so i feel like a smuck for not writting a proper entry, but feel free to entertain yourself with “Classic Erratum”
half-truths on the change of season (in advance)
basil gangila

from the archives
mumbo jumbo
and if you’re really glutton for punishment there’s
The Mandatory Exchange
part one
and two

Name Four Bad Habits You Have:
* when there is no garbage can — i walk over to where the garbage can would be, if there were a garbage can and then i throw my trash on the empty space on the floor. i could have saved myself the eight steps and just thrown it on the floor.
* mushing Little Debbie Brownies until they’re “Brownie Putty”
* running into stationary objects. i should be equipped with some kind of radar. or at least curb feelers.
* eating the sticks that lollipops come on.
Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
* as stylish as the clothesline that runs the length of the living room is, i’d dig a clothes dryer. then i wouldn’t have to scurry around the house collecting my skivvies every time we have company.
* a telekinetic ninja monkey that does dishes. and who’s rich.
* zero gravity sleeping chamber/roller disco
* temporary death gun (i’d settle for some sort of “insta-unconscious” ray. i’m easy)
Name Four Scents You Love:
* dry erase markers
* WD 40
* beer breath
* pipe tobacco smoke
Name Four Things You’d Never Wear:
* a suit live bees
* smallpox infected blanket
* zubas (sp?)
* a wedding ring
Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
* a zero gravity sleeping chamber/ roller disco would suck ’cause gravity is what rollerskating is all about. without gravity, its just floating around with really bulky shoes.
* koala bears probably have really fresh breath.
* about that new trend in television programing to recap the stuff they showed five seconds ago. there are rumors, that i may have done a ridiculous amount of drugs in my time. well, i couldn’t vouch for the validity of the rumors, but i can say, even if that were true, at the very least, you can be sure I CAN REMEMBER WHAT GOES ON IN A HALF-HOUR! yeah, sometimes Home-Fucking-Delivery can be some pretty weighty, intellectually taxing material, but i can keep straight some homely mother’s dramatic makeover saga over a two minute commercial break.
* about the time i’m wasting of all you perfectly nice computer people, who’s only crime was to have the misfortune of getting snared into this survey. that’ll learn ya to read this lousy journal, sucker!
Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
* risked my life
* siphoned off my soul
* ate some grapenuts
* gave unsolicited medical advice
Name Four Bands/Musicians Most People Don’t Know You Like:
* bill monroe
* skip james
* jihad
* donovan
Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
to answer this question honestly would either incriminate me as a health nut or alcoholic.
but
* green tea
* orange juice
* fiji water
* scotch

cats and kittens and all you categorically beautiful riff raff:
how i neglect you so……its probably good that i keep houseplants instead of kids or pets or something. (and my thus-far-clean record with H.R.S. and wilted begonias will attest to that.)

so, as an a predictable turn of events (to me at least), i now only exist between the hours of 2pm to 6am — This being conducive with my work schedule, my comic schedule, and my body’s natural and slightly sadistic tendency to - if given the opportunity — stay up as late as chemically and biologically possible.
in this frozen solitude, this breathless, silent eternity; after m*a*s*h goes off and celebrity justice comes on and television: that dissatisfied vixen with the mega-short attention span becomes a vast wasteland of infomercials, home shopping and early-morning news, one becomes…….sensitive to the particularities of the universe ( read: a little fucking totally insane)
or “all work and no play makes erratum go a little ‘heeeeeeere’s johnny!’”
you see, i’ve been hardcore about the comic i’ve been working on……yes THAT comic: the glacier-slow joke of an endeavor that i undertook an embarrassingly long time ago and that just this month –JUST THIS FUCKING MONTH– i should be closing the book on. (30 pages down 4 pages to go.) and that’s no small chunk of my day. after a break-less 6-8 hours of mixing fermented, overpriced swill to deluded, overdressed swine, i hurry home, still soaked in sweat and sweet and sour. i go straight to my desk and hunker down for another 4-8 hours of uninterrupted drawing, only my goldfish, my crippling drug habit, and my books-on-tape to keep me company. (Egress and Oxford. R.I.P little Iddy — how you loved those shrimp pellets.)
( etcetera )
and i’ve lost all of my social skills. i’ve lost all ability to relate to my fellow man. but i have gained the endearing habit of stuttering like a jackass, which people find sexy.
(personally, i have a thing for boys who blush…..but i don’t know if the world shares my views.)
but — really — what the fuck to i care about my fellow man? apart from scant “work friends” and e-mail addresses scattered across the other side of the world, i see fuck-all of “my fellow man.”
sure, some days, my dry throat yearns for a Algonquian Round Table of my own ricocheting, with witty banter bounced from sharp tongues. and yeah, at times the night seems to get longer and longer.
but for now, i dig the heavy air and i dig the silence and i dig the long, slow wait for the overdue sunrise. i’ve always been a night creature.
( who’s up for a photo-tour? )