holy, merciless soul-sucking christmas, kittens! i drug my bitter, exhausted carcass through holly strung hoops and hurtles, traversed land, sea, foam, (oh, so much foam!) and southwest motherfucking airlines, Greyhound of the upper atmosphere (and during the holidays, we’re talking about a few goats and a guy with a big basket of chickens balanced on his head shy of a Cattle Car)
which is not to say i made it through unscathed, but thanks a steady stream of eggnog and scotch flowing past my lips, it was possible for small talk and explanations to concerned relatives for why i’m wasting my life to flow from them.
jittery and jet lagged, on 3 hours of sleep and with a belly full of wild turkey and airline peanuts i landed in the Capital of Texas: home of longhorns and unamused indy rockers, and for six days, i was permitted to roam perimeter, to tackle its thrift stores and its movie haus-es on native-guided excursions.
it was a time for exploration.

• i gambled for the first time, on a Los Vegas layover. i took that sucker city for four big ones: that’s right four dollars that and the second mortgage brought me a personal pizza. i just have four more payments on it. (you see that’s funny ’cause airport food is expensive. shut-up: i’m funny! you don’t know me!
• i learned that silent scope is not a good idea after a double mocha and a bag of chocolate covered espresso beans .
• i found out i was allergic to raw honey.(Santa brought me Christmas Hives!)

i discovered the true meaning of Christmas: boozing it up at the airport lounge.


(the picture of all the people in the bar looks like the last supper.)
my big X-mas score: a shiny little silver ipod that hasen’t left my side in weeks. (seriously: i sleep with it on!)

my pal cbmp wanted to see some of my art work and so ( here’s a little holiday sampler. )

yesterday, i called in to work blind. i think they might be getting supicious…..
incidentally, do you think that if a person were to use…..oh say….her cat’s veterinary opthalmic ointment, i mean hypothetically speaking, do you think that my her eyeballs would fall out?

in medical news –(and i know you kids are just dying to hear all the juicy, antiseptic details of my medical history. oh so hott!)
check this shit out:

so i have this ganglion wrist something or other (read: freaky alien bump) and you know you need to seek medical attention whenever people, upon seeing your condition for the first time, give you that “‘dear-lord-i-am-truly-disturbed-to-the-very-core-of-my-being’ jaw-drop, complete-expression-change” look. and so seek medical attention i did. which ended up with my nurse, (one of those people who just gush words from the mouth like a wound. either:
a.)very friendly
b.)an adult add sufferer
c.)an adult add sufferer with keys to the pharmacy)
and a guest doctor (who was like a cute harold Ramos with extraordinarily soft hands. i wonder what mama would say if i brought home a jewish doctor….) poking around under my skin with an 18 Gage needle. i nearly fainted. needles don’t really bother me, its just when you start to dig around excavating Mayan fucking ruins under my fucking tendons for extended periods of time that i get all “lose-y conscious-y.” that and when i don’t eat.

in pure gossip department, a friend of mine (and owner of Eckhart: the former new anthems for the modern mouse spokesman.) finally publicly o.d-ed (the inevitable outcome to a long and obvious downward spiral) and was found in a bathroom stall of the Silver Lion covered in blood and licking the floor. he is being held for $7,500 bail for, what i can only presume to be the likely contents of his pockets.
in holiday news:
i spent thanksgiving @ the punk rock potluck “thanks for nothing.” it was cool and all, i mean i saw this guy who looked EXACTLY like bill paxton from spaceballs (”i’m an honest to god prince!”) but…..i don’t know what i was thinking it would be like: a long table with a paper Mache cornucopia and some crusty saying “pass the peas”, but i realized just as we pulled up to the place, “oh fucking-hell-shit: this is a party. somehow i got myself tangled-up in a party”

now, this is nothing weird for your average joe, but
tragically,
i was born without the gene to mingle.
the food was really good, though.

in video game news, i’ve come across a copy of Star Wars: battlefront and all the sudden i’ve become my mother playing video games: “what’s that? who just shot me? who’s that guy? how do i make this…go?”

Micheal Ian Black is, like, ten times the Kilborn that Kilborn ever was!